The St. Paul Tribune reported the coach was popped by pop; the Atlanta Journal-Constitution claimed he was conked by Coke; the Melbourne Herald Sun declared he was socked with a soft drink; and the New York Post said he was assaulted by a dark-skinned youth wielding a knife.

Sam: "I dunno, Coach. Even washed-up golfers are giving me shit. This is a really difficult time for me..."

The report describes Incognito as the "Maine instigator"

"I WILL FIGHT EVERY BLACKBERRY HERE"

Well, it's a more subtle trap than last week's poll:

Huh. It's kinda surprising the Georgia Tea Party would reject such a sweet deal.

We may not know much about this case, but we sure as hell know these cops didn't go to Clemson.