having once worked at UPS sorting packages... this game will not be my first time moving large containers of sperm...

I mean it makes sense. If Thanos snapped his finger Dwight Howard would either be dead, or there would suddenly be only 220 better basketball players in the NBA. That’s win/win.

Not the Antonio Brown come back story I expected.

>>Let me just say that I will NEVER again question the stupidity of that clown car of a franchise or anyone associated with it<<

Just...don’t. Good god, man--your dignity.

I get that the Raiders are idiot clownfucks trying to run with their shoes tied together, but I don’t get the point of this vast apologia on Brown’s behalf from someone who knows literally none of the people involved but thinks it sounds kinda similar to this one thing he saw at band football camp twenty years ago.

I prefer jacks of all trades myself.

Derek Carr: "I would be more upset if I weren't so heavily sedated."

That’s why he needed his helmet! His expanding brain couldn't be contained in the new one, it's so obvious in retrospect!

Right. The plan was to throw away $30 mil guaranteed to get $9 mil. That’s some galaxy brain strategy

Yeah, such an original thought.

BRB, going through every article written about AB over the last two months and faving all the Steelers fans’ smug comments.

Yes. Just like President Trump’s actions have been 3D spock level chess strategy no can can fully comprehend. Then again, sometimes idiots will idiot and end up perfectly parallel parking.

And like that, the laughs of a million Steelers fans were suddenly silenced.

Are you saying 99.9% of people on planet Earth would be fired for frequently deciding to not go to work, posting a recorded phone call with your boss on social media, posting a confidential email from your boss’s boss on social media, and also getting in a screaming match with your boss’s boss?

But NFL and Raiders bad!

It’s too bad. Brown seemed to really want to be on the Raiders, but ultimately he just got cold feet.

I am an attorney. A bad one, but that is besides the point. I believe there a clause that any guarantees can be voided for “conduct detrimental to the team.” I would say committing a potential felony against the head coach and calling the GM “cracker” in front of the team meets that standard. But what do I know. 

This is a humiliating mulligan in which everyone loses face, feet, wallets, and reputations.

Let it go? The hurricane is white and has a hole—surprised he hasn’t married it yet.

while we’re at it, I still can’t go to PF Chang’s without visions of that sweaty bowl-cutted goober ruining my crab rangoons