I believe most food poisoning is caused by uncooked produce. I know I got food poisoning from a salad at a local deli, and when I looked it up it turns out that’s the most common way.

I avoid eating Chick Fill A by going on Sundays.

There’s nothing funny here. This is tragic in every way.

There are like 10 competent NFL caliber QBs in the world. That’s the problem.

The hottest royal and seems to love children. I think I started ovulating and I’m a guy.

Punishment: An unrelated player to the proceedings will be hit in the head with a ball next meeting, as per protocol. This will be retaliated by the Yankees, who will hit an unrelated player in the head with a ball, also per protocol.

I live in a large city, which means my child sees penis graffiti on a regular basis. He also is the proud owner and uncoordinated operator of an actual penis. I assume he will draw many penisi* in his lifetime. This is not a big deal 🙄.

Shit like this shows that upper class whites can be racist as hell too. I know we on the left want to pretend it’s all the confederate flag waving, uneducated yokels that are racists, but it’s middle class and rich folks too. It’s classist to assume racism is a poor man’s game.

Football is dying. We’re going to look back on this period in a few decades and realize it was already over.

It’s likely due to my old age, but since Junior Seau’s suicide I’ve found it kind of sad to watch NFL games, knowing with near certainty that down the road a guaranteed percentage of the players on the field are fated to suffer diminished capacities of varying degrees owing to brain trauma.

Do you work in heaven? And, yes, Charmin Strong is far and away the absolute best toilet paper. Charmin Soft is just okay, way too linty.

that. is. not. pizza. That’s some midwest crostini bullshit.

I just read the wiki entry for “St Louis-style pizza” and I’m FURIOUS! Why would anyone do this? Why would anyone do this and then be proud that they had done it?!

By these standards I have a luxurious pizza festival in my apartment several times per week.

You know who gets to make bad Nazi jokes?

Meh. Any time my parents left me alone in the house as a teenager, my hands looked like that in a matter of a few hours.

I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: police union spokesmen are the worst people in America.

Yankee loos do, in fact, have a Liberty-sized evac pipe. There is a standard minimum interior diameter of 3.0 Freedom Units (about 75mm in international measure) to accommodate for our carbohydrate-rich diets and sedentary lifestyles.