cream of wheat that needs more water

I’m skim milk. Watery, white-blue, and overall unappealing.

I’m sort of an off-gray. No food on this earth should look like that.

Let’s remember some logos:

I consider myself to be the color of a lump of pizza dough that someone lightly baked. White, doughy, and oddly tan in certain spots.

I usually go with “fish belly white” for myself after a long winter’s hibernation.

I reached down to find any feeling or ounce of emotional sympathy for Boston’s poor luck here but there was nothing there

LOOK I GET THAT HOCKEY PLAYERS CAN PLAY THROUGH ANYTHING AND NBA PLAYERS IN COMPARISON ARE GIANT PUSSIES, BUT SOMEONE ACTUALLY PLAYED WITH BEACHBALL HEAD?! AT SOME POINT THE LEAGUE NEEDS TO START THINKING ABOUT PLAYER SAFETY! SMDH!

“Don’t worry, they’re playing the Leafs.”

We could win the Cup and still all Caps fans would remain tensed, worried that Ovie might drop it and have it default to Pittsburgh

Is ‘Spring’TM Internet-enabled? If not, I don’t want to know.

POURING THINGS IS HARD SOMETIMES

The device Evans spent three years laboring to invent is a $400 WiFi-enabled tabletop machine that squeezes juice ... out of a bag of Juicero-brand juice. It squeezes bags of juice. It is a juice press that squeezes the juice ... out of bags of juice. Bags ... with built-in spouts ... that are filled with juice. Juice…

Hey! The Leafs didn’t win a Cup that nobody can remember....they won 13 Cups nobody can remember.

As a Caps fan, I wasn’t even driven to drink last night. The whiskey was there. I just took my dog for a walk instead.

It’s called being pro-life, apparently...

The Penguins must have a goddamned farm somewhere, where they just grow top-six forwards.

If this were the KHL that’d be a cigarette in his nose

Mmmhmm.......