Are you me? Because I think I would have written exactly this.

"IF THEY REFUSE TO SHUT UP, START DRINKING. Bourbon mutes everything."

"IF THEY REFUSE TO SHUT UP, START DRINKING. Bourbon mutes everything."

Thank you! I've always assumed that it was the Canadian way of singing the ABCs

You can totally tell that Wonder Red is going to grow up to be RollerGirl, so every time I watch SuperWhy with my kids my brain starts going in all these pervy directions. Then I think "My god, she's only a little girl!" but then some other brain bit says "Yeah, but it's also just a cartoon" and then I just feel like…

You're a "water engineer" and you use the term hot water heater?

I had a tick on my balls when I was around 12, and no dogfucking or any other abuse of animals was involved. Sometimes ticks just latch on there.

Frequent fliers on Delta who achieve Diamond status will occasionally find a Porsche with a driver standing by to drive them to their connecting flight. A few of my co-workers have got this treatment. Extravagant and mostly pointless.

I think you're looking too deeply. Obama is "wrong" because he said we'd be buying cars from China, when in fact we wouldn't be buying cars from China, we'd be buying them from Korea, Germany, and Japan.

I must have missed the part of Maggie's story where she was driving 110mph on the interstate.

We never wore cups in collegiate rugby due to the (probably apocryphal) horror stories of getting a nut pinched between the cup and your leg.

I lava it

Ha!

I can't believe one person could create that much poop. In my mind, she's the leader of some kind of group-pooping/beer drinking cult.

I agree with you. I don't know who decided a flat-sounding trumpet fanfare was necessary for the enjoyment of a Packer game, but that person should be locked into a room for eternity and have nothing but those 7 notes and the Menard's commercial song piped in 24/7.

Ahh yes, the mascot! You gotta love the Vikings thinking there, "Hey the Vikings were fierce warriors, lets get a flabby guy with a bald mullet to run around wearing a bunch of skins! Same thing, right?"

That fucking HORN!

What's the one on the way to Rhinelander with the giant Badger head?

We aren't all beer-swilling troglodytes sporting NRA caps, you know. Some of us have Ph.D.s ( and swill beer)

Blood gets everywhere, but most of it seem to end up on the sleeves. I suppose because they're in closest proximity.