Seriously. How do you stop at book4?! “Oh wow, that Voldemort guy came back from the dead. Huh. Good for him!”

Best books on tape ever!!!

I swear I’ve seen him in an episode of “Law & Order” but I think everyone with a SAG card has been on that show so that doesn’t really help.

Seasonal allergies were created by the government in the 60s to attack hippies, the so-called ‘flower children’

listen, let’s not let the wacko conspiracy theories overshadow Hillary’s actual health problems. i have extensive experience in this area and there is literally no issue more debilitating than seasonal allergies. what if her hands are covered in mucus and she hits the “bomb the earth” button by accident? what if she’s…

I love Sarah Paulson. And this is deep love from her days as a second lead to Amanda Peet! Jack and Jill! Remember when Amanda was the bigger actor?

Counterpoint: virtually everything she says makes me gasp

Look at this shit, I mean, just look at these people. This is their life, to just look “good” and stupidly pose to shill random shit they don’t even use. I try to not think about the Kardashians but seeing this really bugs me. Why are you making them so rich, America???????????

Oh don’t mind me, I’m just sitting here with this package of tea placed next to my face while I casually hang out in my shoe closet.

These people are such assholes

Way ahead of you. They love their alchemy lessons.

Someone tell T-Pain that the trick is to get on and get off before you form a vacuum seal.

Home school your kids and tell them Pluto is a planet.

Same here. The original movie fucked things up for me. I have not seen one since. I wouldn’t categorize Rosemary’s Baby as a horror movie but I watched that one Halloween recently and for 2 months after I slept with all the lights on and Smurfs on TV. yeah.

“It calls you seconds later and asks, ‘Why do you still have a land line, grandma? It’s 2016. Oh right, seven days...’”

After I saw The Ring in theaters, I went home to find that my step-father was asleep and my mother was at work and everything was dark and I was terrified. I called my mother while she was bartending on what must have been a Friday or Saturday night (not an ideal time to chat) to tell her how afraid I was and ask her…

When my husband and I fight, I go listen to movie score music on my headphones while trolling people on Breibart.

Forgive him if you want, but if his first instinct is to go out and kiss another woman when you get in a fight, he is probably going to resort to that behavior in the future.