"She was meaner and more disrespectful than the guy who robbed the place with a machete two weeks later."

You're really into metafiction, and think TNG's true, worthy successor is Stargate SG-1.

Great. So not only will I die by coughing up a lung, but I will have to die knowing that it's because some Portland hipster yuppie douchebag couldn't be arsed to take his daughter Cucumber to get a fucking pertussis shot between her unicycle and harpsichord lessons.

Definitely a biological function, but not nearly as nutritious. Or sanitary.

First of all, as noted in the post, Chiwetel Ejiofor is not "African American." He is British. Second, I am not a "fucking millennial." Pull yourself together.

Why don't they just admit that they want to stone her in the town square for being an "impure" woman and save everybody a lot of trouble?

Maybe I'm missing something, but the handful of episodes I watched with my daughter are probably the most idiotic 20+ minutes of my life. The scenes and dialog (dialog was wretched to say the least) seem to just be randomly thrown together.

Will they be effective if worn backwards when you have diarrhea?

Due to your optimism, which I happen to share, I wanted to spare everyone the pain of responding.

I hate how shows like this show straight people denigrating the sanctity of gay marriage.

Yeah, I always have to stop porn before it gets to that part. Total ladyboner killer.

Hi, I've been there for 4 years now. Next person who tells me how amazing my resume is is going to eat it.

I'd just rather my partner trimmed, esp. if he expects to have my mouth all up in his junk. Nobody likes coughing up hairballs.

If that's the case, you should try not brushing your teeth and showering for a few weeks.

I get rid of all of my hair because I dislike it. Sweat clings to it and it feels pretty bad by the end of the day. I don't like the way it looks and consider it no different than any other thing I do for personal self expression.

To be fair, Ariel was wondering what it was like to be human LONG before Eric. That treasure cove didn't collect itself.

I accidentally bought these for my husband last year. What? All the jockey packaging is the same, from cut to cut, so I thought I was buying his usual style.

I'm going to make a blog post called 60 Examples of Why I'm Glad Vivienne Wagner Isn't My Mom. Spoiler alert: most of it will be dissecting pictures from when she was in 8th grade.

Ugh, naming a child Justice, gross. I always think of that gross little ginger puke from Candy Apples, and feel really ashamed for letting the hatred I feel for Cathy impact how I feel about a child.