Mike Kelley also seems a little peeved...from heaven.

Jeez, the only way this article could be whiter is if they left the page blank.

I'm on team Lorde, Robyn, or Adele.

Ok, so, I watched this entire ordeal go down on Twitter last night. I'm all for holding assholes accountable for shit, but you only included the one tweet where he said "a million apologies." You didn't include the probably hundreds of other tweets he sent throughout the entire night, apologizing to almost every…

Ugh, I'm so glad I'm not a kid these days. All their idols are lame.

Jessa, who's too "cool" to ever do something as mundane as watch a current critically acclaimed television show.

I once, in frustration, yelled "GOD DAMNED SLUT FUCKING WHORE BASKET ASS" at my power stapler while reupholstering a chair seat. I don't even know what that means, but I'm pretty sure that A) it felt really cathartic and B) I slut-shamed my power stapler. Sorry, power stapler. :( I really don't care if you're getting…

Sympathy. I had to cut my mom out of my life too. Only one of my relatives ever criticized me for it and it's something I've never defended myself about. We didn't reconcile either. On my best days, I think she used alcohol to self-medicate for depression and didn't know how to love anyone, including herself. On…

I have never been as excited as that dog about anything.

Lindy, I'm going to miss you so much here. I still remember one article you wrote where one whole paragraph was just, "People." You crack me up, lady!!

I wasn't even aware that people had tried to link breast cancer to bra-wearing...

I woulda helped, and helped clean up, and cleaned up my leg and got at it. With a clothes pin on my nose if need be. Yeah it's gross, but you can laugh and bond over it. Whatsamatta, dude? The lady got a little too real for ya? You wanna do it or not?

Maybe once the age gap is over 25 years, doucheness kind of fades? Wait this theory doesn't work because I find some 5-year-olds kind of douchey.

I'd hit it.

Is the guy in the blue shirt on a treadmill or one of those people movers you see at the airport? He looks way to stiff for someone who is walking normally.

I really wish Cyrus would keep her frickin' tongue in her mouth.

If you need this handy chart to dress yourself well, then the "dress yourself well" ship has probably already sailed.

I just gave my dog a resentful look for not being this cute.