What the mouth breather with the goggles wanted on his patch was, “Try Burning This One, Asshole.” For the first time, my desire is that someone listen to him: please try burning that one asshole.

Plus this is what God intended. If He wanted Moore to win, Moore would be a Senator by now. Like if God wanted Congressman Franks to have children, He wouldn’t have given the dear Congressman and his wife fertility problems.

Legal nerd moment: I wonder if this will help people who were sentenced under the Three Strikes Law get their sentences adjusted if one or more of their “strikes” gets expunged.

Oakland, near San Francisco, is trying to reserve 50% of its dispensary licenses for people with marijuana convictions.

That was fucking hypnotic. Well played, sir or madam.

This is the only game show I feel qualified for!

This is the dumbest thing I have ever seen. I love it.

Jesus Christ! If they could combine that show with Paternity Court — BAM! — perfect show!

That sounds like one of my nightmares.

I actually had a doctor tell me I was “faintly pregnant” with my first kid. I was like WTF? She said she meant it was early. It was a doctor at my university health center so I think she didn’t want to freak me out.

Yup. I heard the same thing. She probably just met the minimum number of married years to get a good payout under the pre-nup and the election threw it out of whack. OH WELL SHE SHOULD SUFFER, TOO!!!

“Security Bae”!!!

Well this is a juicy nugget, thank you.

Dude, that is so fucking amazing! I mean, not the shouting—that bit’s awful—but the only way I could burn 700 calories in an hour is by forgetting a pizza in the oven.

She still thinks the Trump Administration has a “long game” to play - to which I say, “Ha!”

James Woods doesn’t think a 24 year old dating a 17 year old is bad. He thinks a 24 year old guy dating a 17 year old guy is bad.