I remember playing baseball at 13 and a kid in our league figured out how to throw a curveball. I don't think he gave up a hit for the entire year. Sadly, within 2 years his arm was a noodle and he couldn't throw a ball more than 30 feet without excruciating pain.

Great. As if there weren't enough heels in professional wrestling already.

"Happy Birthday Tim!"

Tebow celebrated by overthrowing himself a party.

Hey, sorry man. I know I can get carried away with it from time to time. We actually keep a PG-rated version of the column over here:

Elin Nordegren: [driving by Tiger's house at 5mph]

I actually really liked the monologue. I'd rather hear Olbermann give some nice history on the Yankees (and I say that as a Red Sox fan) than listen to Skip Bayless and someone else debate whether A-Rod should be booed or not. We should be embracing ts type of content from ESPN.

Pictured: The first four victims in happier times.

Like Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "great spelling does not make up for a bad tie"

Yeah but the substitutes for Kimberly-Clark brand bathroom tissues are functionally indistinguishable from the original. If I ask for a Coke and get an Orange Crush, someone has eff'd up big time. It'd be like asking for a Kleenex and having someone hand you a paper plate.

after tossing it around with some friends, someone threw out Charlie's Angels

Andy Hutchins: I speak cricket!

No, actually, it's not. It was a very salacious rumor that was first put out by Ron Borges, but when the facts came out, they were not as heavily reported.

Thank you for writing this. I love the Patriots more than anything, and anyone who finds that out spews just an ungodly amount of unstoppable nonsense my way, and I accept that because that's just what it is to be a Pats fan. We've had a lot of success, we had a few scandals, and that is just a recipe for people…

Around Sanchez even cell phones lose their receptions.

I'm willing to bet money there are short sleeve shirts under those jackets, too. At least one. Any takers?

Much to Nicodemo's surprise, the players didn't even flinch when their coach — wearing a stomach-revealing crop top, listening to Liberace Sings Broadway's Greatest Hits on his iPod, and with his live-in assistant coach's arms around his waist — announced he was gay.

Autistic?

How can we be sure the pitchers didn't make six funny comments?

as compared to the Marlins' mound...