Rob, there is no accepted treatment for sociopathy.

Everyone in a Catholic parish knows which couples practice the rhythm method. Because their family takes up a whole pew every Sunday.

Why does he have my Mom’s hair cut?

Let’s just say we in the medical profession have treated countless young men for stabbing and gunshot wounds who were ALL standing on a corner, minding their own business when they were attacked without provocation. Literally, 100% of them.

She must have been a classmate of Jenna Maroney at the Royal Tampa Academy of Dramatic Tricks.

Yeahhhh my boyfriend and I are currently watching the O.C. for the first time (it is highly entertaining and I cannot believe how dated all the early aughts fashions look) and I was just thinking, she must have been “perfecting her craft” at some point after this show ended because homegirl has exactly two expressions…

This was the best thing I learned through this experiment.

Oh my fucking god if I haven’t shaved my legs IMMEDIATELY beforehand — like, no more than four hours — it will scritch and drive me crazy. Also, any skin-on-skin contact makes me feel clammy and gross. Women’s leggings (no twisting around legs!) or men’s PJ pants (minor twisting, but pockets!) from Old Navy.

Do you have a wirehaired dachshund? So cute with their little legs and their little beards!

The only reason why I don’t sleep naked is because of my pets. My cat’s love for me is so great that she claws the shit out of my boobs, so I need to wear a shirt or sweatshirt. And my dog (pug/chihuahua) likes to burrow under the covers and head towards the warmest part of my body....so the vagina needs to have a…

Stop torturing people over the age of 30 with this fleek shit.

Seriously did not know this. Thanks for the heads-up! (heh)

THE BAR IS LOW, OK

I’m going to go a different route. Kill Jeb Bush. He is the most likeable and has a greater shot of winning. Fuck Ted Cruz and then spill the sordid details to all the tabloids, ruining his career. Marry Rand Paul and cheat on him mercilessly with some government bureaucrat.

Fuck:

“Fuck Paul, kill Cruz, marry Boosh”

you could have stopped at “ted cruz just said” and i would have automatically known it was something dumb and horrible

Can I go old school conservatives instead? Fuck Dan Quayle, kill Newt Gingrich, marry Ross Perot. You know, for the money. And the laughs. I bet he is a lot of laughs.