Whoa whoa whoa. Mascarading? Now Giz is hiring writers that can't even spell?

They already have that. It's called Borderlands 1.

But Jesus didn't write it. Zing!

If you haven't used windows in a while, what makes you say W8 is a fustercluck?

I'd imagine they're quite like horses, where when the penis is not erect it mostly follows the curve of the stomach, kind of in line with the body.

The link for split view is broken. Did you guys even check it before you posted?

I don't think so. Unless you're talking dead center of your body, in which case it probably wouldn't make it through the spine. Otherwise it has kidneys, stomach, spleen, etc. to go through and those are made of tougher stuff than just blood vessels. Don't get me wrong, this could more than ruin your month, but I…

At least PC users have a 3-fingered salute. I've never heard of such a useful combo on a Mac. Although I invite anyone who does know one to share it with me just in case I ever need it.

My username when I first signed up for Neopets (don't judge me, I was 7 and that website was the shit) was Jetsam4405. Yeah.... not too proud of that fact.

Ah, but doesn't that kind of defeat the energy-saving aspect of this kind of roof?

As a lifeguard I kind of have to disagree with your statement - we are trained to escape the hold and retry the rescue from the rear. Once we have the victim by the arms from behind with the tube buoying them up they calm down considerably.

MD? I live in MD. You got a news article for this case? I'd like to know more about this.

I think that's an AC fan speed control, not a headlight switch.

Beautiful? Eugh, these knifes just look ugly to me.

You don't know of any headphones with a mic? I encourage you to go look at the Motorola S305 Headset. Supports A2DP, playback controls over the left ear, and a mic as well. I've had them for a year now and they're the best thing ever. I can't stand headphones with cords now.…

I really like the sound my point made as it went zooming over your head.

Excuse me? I've never seen any smartphone more expensive than $300 with a new 2 year contract. Are you buying Monster phones?

It reminds me of my first phone, a Nokia 6126. Sounds a hell of a lot like yours with the added bonus of being able to use any mp3 file as a ringtone no matter the size. A shame the front screen wasn't built of very tough stuff and it ended up smashing when I dropped it.

Hands down my favorite dumbphone ever has been my current one, a Pantech Impact (P7000 for those of you who like model numbers). I'm a lifeguard, and I always worry about my phone going into the pool. Once was my own idiocy and the second was because of some little bastard child whose parents weren't watching him, but…

Please. This thing has gone into a pool. Twice. Came out unscathed. This thing is a goddamn tank.