Given that Halloween is coming up and all sorts of stupid lore about treats laced with tricks will soon full the media, here is a simple trick to detect illicit drugs in your confections:

“Oh. Duh,” she says, echoing my thoughts entirely, “Okay, I’ll take the crispy chicken salad with extra extra ranch” she concludes out of nowhere.

DAMMIT, PINKHAM.

That was my thought too (glad I’m not the only one who went there). When I used to drink soda I did prefer the taste of Diet Coke to regular Coke. Still, it’s hard to believe diet lemonade would taste better.

That was exactly where my brain went, too. I don’t really know how to process the rest of this story, but I definitely know how I feel about that.

This is a national tragedy. The actual killer received a life sentence. Kelly has made a tremendous difference in the lives of many others during her time in prison. No one wins here.

This is sad, but diet frosted lemonade? If you're going to be put to death...shouldn't you just be like, fuck it, I'll just have the calories?

They never took a doggie bag home and they never touched Golem Jesus’s meal.

1) Use the coupons for the hottest salsa you can get.

‘I’ve made a huge mistake’.

She had things to do. (Clearly not her hair).

Goddamit Kim, now Jesus has to pick up the slack since there’s one less person in the office. He’s definitely not going to be able to slide out early the Friday before a 3 day weekend.

I so liked Taylor Swift but she’s too much after the This Sick Beat bullshit. Remember the time Kanye interrupted your speech by getting on stage and halting the show? What in the goddamn world makes you think you have that kind of control that the man who said “George Bush doesn’t care about black people” while…

Never a massive sinkhole into a hellmouth when you need one.

Wouldn’t free ketchup actually be commie? Charging for it is very American and capitalist.

I literally just starred every response that shut you and the entitled misconception of “my condition means I get to be shitty to others.”

As a Type 1 diabetic who has to determine if there is unmentioned sugar in my foods at restaurants, has to constantly deal with “regular” sodas being delivered instead of diet, and…

The fuck? Autism doesnt give you a free pass to be a dickhead to a server. Stay the fuck home.

My niece has autism and we either phone in advance to let the restaurant know and ask for a table in the corner of we let them know as soon as we go in. We also TAKE responsibility for her and her behaviour and don’t indulge her tantrums, same as we do at home.