I have literally called them the “N.E.S.” and the “S.N.E.S.” my entire life. It boggles my mind that you’d call them anything else.

I’d like to meet someone illegally blind

The best mental approach to being a 97 year old hooker is to keep your mind out of the gutter.

jesus dude, you need to take up jogging and stretching and eating vegetables and shit

Congratulations on all your wrong answers:

Buy that Rolls that Torch suggested.

José did quite a number on my liver, too. Then I discovered Patrón.

Liver let die. 

LeBron’s just like us, wearing the free shirt he got from a work trip.

excuse me but what is wrong with that

I figured the Browns would go with “The Shartland of America” but this is good too.

That reminds me of the time I looked up "Cleveland Steamer" on xhamster and the top link was of a Browns game.

The only thing hard on your typical Cleveland male is his arteries.

Marvin the Martian not being at least in the top five is a crime against humanity, and I demand a swift and savage retribution against those responsible.

Has Markle been secretly British this whole time? What American calls a zucchini a courgette? Has she been auditioning to marry into British royalty her WHOLE LIFE perhaps???

NONE OF THIS IS FUNNY

This is literally the happiest he’s looked in 4 years.

Should have been ejected earlier for being a grown man who brings a glove to a ballgame.  

That’s nothing - I’ll be working at my job until I’m at LEAST 65. And I don’t even like it! 

I love Vince Carter more than at least one of my three children. And he’s on the heels of my middle kid, who is becoming a brat.