Counterpoint: The universe is a black hole factory that doesn’t care if any of us lives or dies. If the robots don’t kill us all, and we manage not to nuke ourselves and/or ruin the planet in some human engineered cataclysm, some random supervolcano or asteroid or gigantic burst of space radiation will eventually reap…

Now picture me running this piece of shit over with a steamroller, and using its flattened remains...

They fucked up by not naming it Olga Korbot

Oh holy hell. This guy isn’t lying, folks. Takes me back to 2002.

The Alpine Slide. A buddy of mine ended up with so much road rash from that thing. I remember going down the hill and seeing him walking up carrying his sled, red skin everywhere. That place was so much goddamn fun though, worth every injury.

I’ve heard so many stories about it from Jersey refugees. It looks even more insane than I could envision. The waterparks where I grew up were mostly safe (only some mild head trauma on certain rides) but this looks like chaos.

action park was the only ‘water’ park that when you left you were sticky.

“We knew people had died there, but it was the ‘80s” is the best synopsis of that decade I can think of.

My summer camp had an annual trip to Action Park. I watched a fellow camper ride the cannonball loop and when he got out, he was stumbling like a drunk, likely because of a concussion. The rumor was always that they had to build the trap door in the loop because people were getting stuck in there because there wasn’t…

When I was kid, we could only really afford Clementon Park in New Jersey. It is about a half hour southeast of Philadelphia. It was nice, but very old fashioned. I don’t even think it had a roller coaster. It had a great log flume.

I’ve seen a photo of that ‘Canonball Loop’ slide, but I thought it was fake.

The only water park that needs more band-aids.

I lost a strip of skin off my back while going down one of the water slides. I am certain that dozens of people have ingested my DNA because of this park.

I remember waiting for my mom at the bottom of a slide at Action Park, and when she hit the pool, her tits flew out.  So, my scars were only emotional.

Does anyone talk about the Alpine Slide? It was a concrete groove that you would slide down in a sack. Road Rash was an issue. You’d always see people walking around with fresh, oozing scabs down the length of their body and you didn’t even need to ask where they got them.

CHRIS GETHARD SIGHTING. I’m in!

I flew off the alpine slide near the bottom (luckily going pretty slow) and got some nasty road rash on my arms.  Dude working the slide didn’t even give me a second glance as I walked the toboggan back to the bottom.

OUT INDEFINITELY                                                               BurkeCommunications.com

“I’ve kicked a lot of balls over the years. I’m not reinventing the wheel.”