I think a narrow view is what defines this family.

They broke my watch!

Q: What's black and white and read all over?

As a normal Eagles fan, I loathe both myself and my team.

Welp, that's one.

This is just the straw that broke the camel's back for me. I am sick of everything about this situation: the money grab, the duplicitous smiles, the pathetic back-biting. It's enough to make anyone want to stop watching altogether!

Galileo Mondol: Oh god what did I do? I'm going to jail. I'm. Going. To. Jail. My parents! I've ruined them. Forever. Their lives are over. And the school! The school will just be destroyed because of me. The team is finished, too. They won't able to play after without me, after what I've done. How will anyone go on?…

Judge: The Court is satisfied that the Defendant derived no sexual pleasure from the act. Therefore, as this does not qualify as a sex crime under the statute, I have no choice but to release him on his own recognizance, pending trial.

Galileo: Thank you, Your Honor.

"This rivalry dates back to 1881. My most vivid memory is when when Notre Dame faced a Michigan squad that was made up entirely of eighty-foot tall mechanical men. My memory isn't what it used to be, but I think the entire Earth was destroyed." - Skip Bayless

Any truth to the rumor that Miley Cyrus will sing the national anthem that night?

"Let's take you step-by-step through how ESPN contrives and then covers a story that doesn't even exist."

Tomorrow on NFL Countdown: Kaepernick might be the greatest of all time, but is he "elite?"

"Ha! You call that ruining a mock draft?!"

"We could all use a friend like -"

Doctors have already quarantined Josh Freeman to make sure the other teams don't catch it.

I would have guessed scurvy

also worst Cardinals: Richelieu and Ximenez

So, thanks to having absolutely no alternatives, I'm a Time Warner Cable customer. That means I haven't had CBS/Showtime for a few weeks now. It also means I don't get the recently-launched Al Jazeera America. I am far more pissed off about the latter than the former.

This is the slowest thing I've seen related to baseball since a baseball game

I have 6, 4, and recently-turned 2-year old sons. Whenever I casually mention to someone that I'm excited that we're finally seeing the end of the baby stage, they ALWAYS say some shit to the effect of: "You're going to miss those days!" Or, "I wish my kids were babies again!".