Get the hell out of my kitchen! Scoot!

Never stopped me! Although I work from home.

Both of my boys listen to Weird Al constantly. And I (probably) had nothing to do with it! I couldn’t be prouder.

How can you tell? He’s seated.

That’s just good parenting right there.

Watching Python in my formative teen-aged years (on PBS) warped my still-evolving sense of humor, and forever altered my attitude towards humanity from one of admiration to mistrust and ridicule.

He meant using a spade to neuter them.

Ah, yes. Came here exactly for that quote.

Very much in agreement. How the cast of Barry doesn’t merit even a mention in the “Ensemble” category ranks as an inexcusable snub.

This is the only correct response.

”This is all I ever wanted: days with a high of 67 and a low of 52, where you almost feel hot in the sun before stepping into the shade and being reminded that no, no summer is finally fucking gone.”

...and J.A. Happ on the mound in relief for the Yankees...

Agreed. And Jamil’s character is the sort of blithe, name-dropping dilettante that Mr. Burneko so expertly parodied.

I am neither a celebrity nor a politician (you’re welcome), which may have made my decision to disconnect completely from social media that much easier.

The first rule of Masturbation Club is: Don’t talk about Masturbation Club. Well, that and “no eye contact.”

I was bummed out by the loss last night as well. I’m a Phillies fan first and foremost, but the A’s have always been my back-up rooting interest. (Even today they remain Philadelphia’s most successful baseball team.)

I heard his spleen double-dips at parties, even while the other guests are watching.

“...in order to keep up the tradition of firing off a blast for every touchdown.”

[Allen Iverson put hands in pockets, whistles nonchalantly.]

As someone who falls into the #9 height on this list (and barely), I’ve always been jealous of you five-footers who managed to crack double-digits.