Well, it’s better than him learning about Hot Pockets on the street!

I see what you did there, headline.

I’m an Eagles fan (please, hold your applause), so there is plenty about my own team to irritate me. But far more irritating was how often the local Cowboys fans would rub their five Super Bowl victories in my face.

RIP, Coach. As a Villanova alumnus and fan, all I can say is: Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Was Boog the first pick in the draft?

“WHY?!? WHY DID I STARE AT THE ECLIPSE?!?”

A good pun really helps me sift into high gear.

Mark this date on your colander!

“The Kentucky State Anthem Is Decadent And Depraved”

Oh my God, thank you for that reference. My face almost pulled a “Raiders of the Lost Ark”-style face melt when I watched that clip on TV. And I might be the whitest dude on the planet. (Top 25, at least.)

“...he had eaten five banana splits backstage and had to take a dump.”

“...he had eaten five banana splits backstage and had to take a dump.”

The average height of a modern human being is 5.6 feet for men, and 5.2 feet for women. In order to dunk a basketball, that would mean achieving a vertical leap of no less than 5 and a half feet (assuming the rim is exactly 10 feet from the ground and the basketball itself requires an additional 10-12 inches of…

Point taken. He deserved a ring.

Damn it, my bad. Thank you!

It was the 9-6-1 season, when they would go on to lose to the Cardinals in the NFC Championship Game (because of course they did).

Of course, the first regular-season home game after that loss (on national TV, in our brand-spanking-new stadium, with Sly Stallone on the JumboTron pumping up the crowd) featured the defending champion Bucs coming back to Philly and shutting out the Birds, 17-0.

I remember how easily Westbrook scored on the first drive of that game, and thinking like a true moron, “Oh, baby... the dynasty BEGINS.”

I thought he might have been talking about the 44-6 game in 2008.