He’s not allowed to change it. Anything he says (or tweets, in this case) while president is part of the official record.

Can’t delete it, can’t edit it. It belongs to the archives now. Fitting!

Just when you begin to lose faith in humanity....

My uncle was a dissent broker. He lost everything in the Great Dissension Recession of ‘05.

First they start World War I, and now this?

Proving, once again, that Sleeper was ahead of its time:

$2 per catch and a hot sandwich.

Well, that certainly tempers any pride I had about the Philadelphia Soul being defending champions.

I have both a penis and an advance ticket for the first weekend of WW. My fee-fees will be just fine. Enjoy the film, ladies!

So you’re saying that in this instance, rain actually helped the Flames?

If someone ever called me out for being immature, I’d hold my breath until they apologized.

This nailed it for me.

That first picture is most definitely not from 1999, dear caption writer.

“That’s the last time any Warrior was stopped tonight.”

If the answer isn’t “while peeking through your fingers,” then I cordially disagree.

I love “Alright, Still.” Hyper-pop music and lilting vocals, with some brutally cynical lyrics to undermine them both.

I have the weirdest boner right now.

If I saw that goddamned bear looking through my door I’d be making brownies too.

“A parachute not opening... that’s a way to die. Getting caught in the gears of a combine... having your nuts bit off by a Laplander, that’s the way I wanna go!”

You dummy! A kubball is a sinister group of conspirators.