So you basically washed down solid potatoes with liquid potatoes?

Fudge Stripes are the perfect cookie. Straight out of God’s oven and right into my mouth. NOM NOM NOM.

I thought he was an Oxy moron.

Watson didn’t want to hurt Arrieta—“the butt’s perfect,” he said.

Because I have mental issues.

This looks what would happen if NASCAR let the fans participate.

Then I have not wasted my day!

Unfortunately he’s my brother.

JESUS TAP-DANCING CHRIST, I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT

Surely you can’t be serious!

If it looks like I’m not paying attention, it’s because I’m taking notes. The hell didn’t I think of that before?

Michael — This, like the cookout guide, was both informative and fucking hilarious. As someone who was brought up super-Caucasian Catholic, I can’t help but wonder if attending a predominantly black church might have kept me from slipping into agnosticism.

From time to time I might use one of those poofy things for a week or so, but that shit is for the armpits and taint ONLY.

How the hell did you get a copy of my student ID?

“Hold me back! Hold me back! God damn it, somebody HOLD ME BACK, please!”

I’m glad he decided to show up to at least one football game yesterday.

#NotAllEaglesFans

I’ll add it to my list:

Spoken like a true Rays fan. :)

For one thing, he quit drinking 15 years ago when he realized it was time to prepare himself to run the team. “I’ll go back to drinking if we win the Super Bowl or I get married,” he says. He cocks his head to the side. “The first one will be because I’ll want to, the second because I’ll have to.”