The i’s of Texas never come before e’s.

Choking on my own rage here.

The hoagie wouldn’t.

As much as I would like to express sympathy for a city’s fan base that just celebrated an NBA title two months ago, three of the last five World Series titles, and five Super Bowl victories out of six tries in the last 33 years... I can’t. Boo friggin’ hoo.

+2 huge... tracts of land

Worry about that before you worry about the Mexicans.

I read Leiningen Versus the Ants in eighth grade. Ever since then I refuse to sleep anywhere that isn’t surrounded by a moat filled with flaming gasoline. (You know, just in case.)

Gore me once, shame on me

“Non, je ne regrette rien.” —Maurice Richard

Or this:

Great, now I want some goddamned Chinese food.

All I know is that whoever escaped that explosion without a scratch is part of one happy, lucky family right now.

Shit; let’s start a support group.

This team has played almost 50 NFL seasons without winning a single title. That is hard to do.

#TeamCG

Well, you know what they say about life: When one door closes, another [door flies open].

I haven’t seen a Kane dropped this quickly since the time that faith healer came to town.

Reach out and touch base.