Of all the Kenan Thompson characters, this is by far my favorite.

Salted icy water is going to give you the best results. Put all the beers in the cooler, put a couple inches of water in and then dump ice all over. Then liberally salt the ice and you'll have VERY chilled, perfectly drinkable beer in probably 15 minutes.

Coors light is not beer.

Lincoln apparently "exploded,"
This is the part that makes me think it's just tragic theater.

A gift for drinkers, eh? I guess you could always just go with what my beer-swilling, hard working All-American father would ask for, every year for as long as I can remember: A son that wasn't such a lame, creepy dipshit.

"fun"

I hope your entire head falls off.

Safe at first on a routine grounder to the second baseman.

Well, you know what they say, to air is human.

I'm going straight to hell for this one: Pat Summitt.

Richie Incognito

In addition to "Mexican motherfucker", Roach called Donald Leary a "Parasitic piece of shit desecrating the corpse of Bill Hicks", before being informed he'd confused him with Denis Leary.

Good lord, the way this is written is completely unreadable.

Before we rush to slobber all over Italian Richie's knob, keep in mind his second favorite food is Chicago deep dish pizza.

This is the most Duke comment ever.

No, that was on purpose.

The most amazing thing by far happens at :54, when you realize that Jermaine O'Neal is still in the league.

He goes on to recall another story, "One time I was hanging out with my friend Jerry and he was upset that our mutual friend Elaine had admitted to faking her orgasms when they had dated years earlier so I raped the shit out of her".

He's a moron, but a life sentence for a nonviolent crime is ridiculous. Especially when murderers and rapists routinely get less. Just more War on Drugs bullshit.

Parker will get plenty of practice flopping. Duke flops more in a game than most soccer teams do in a year. It was Kryzezwski that taught LeBron and Wade to flop. Him coaching USA Basketball has made the NBA Playoffs as infuriating to watch as Duke basketball.