Go Bojangles or go home.

AND they have inclusive ad campaigns for people of all colors, sizes and disabilities. They’re awesome.

I liked it when I was younger, but now that I’m old I just feel bad for his poor carpet-sample-sending, pasta-making, tryhard boring ol’ wife.  She seems like she’s genuinely trying to connect with him, and he sees her as more of a nuisance than a loving partner.

$10 on a 37 bill is 27%, which is pretty generous.

“How can I ask literally any question about tipping at all without being called an asshole capitalist cheapskate swine unless my defaul tip is ‘turn over my wallet and dump literally everything I have onto the table uncomplainingly.’”

Guns will be picked up and loaded onto a giant size party bus staffed by the Queer Eye cast, who will use them to stir their bespoke cocktails until the guns can all be melted down into Obamaphones.

Look at banner, Donnie!

We have to outlaw Christmas first. Then, complimenting your kids. Then we force all white men to get gay married in the Satantic Chirch. Priorities, people!

I think the whole point of white supremacy is it means you’re too good to be questioned by “inferiors.” When you think you’re supreme, it means that being held accountable is basically undathomable. It’s a “tell” they have.

Calling them out on it is “uppity” dontchaknow.  Nothing worse than being uppity to a Proper White Man who Deserves Respect from “those types.”

All the racist old people I know watch Fox News literally every waking hour they’re home.  It’s like the racist fascist little devil on their shoulder they just can’t live without.

THANK YOU that shit has been bothering me SO MUCH. “Stand for American Values, like me and this woman I most likely cheated on my wife with before we got divorced.”

When a new pup joins the paw patrol, their initiation requires executing the member they’re replacing, who’s often been reduced to a shuffling, weeping homunculus due to genetic weakness and fallout from having to wear a 150-lb backpack since birth.  

“Salty, my barista coworker threw a hot cup of coffee in my face during an on-shift psychotic breakdown. Should I tip $1 or $5 in that situation?”

They can sometimes get away with it if the musician doesn’t object and the company that owns the music doesn’t want to bother with a lawsuit.

TumbleLeaf is great!! So calm and soothing and educational.  I also like Tom the Tow Truck because the narrator is the most chill, calm, soothing voice in the universe.

I like to imagine what an actual Paw Patrol would look like in an emergency.

Paw Patrol pisses me off because, in 2018, we’re STILL doing the trope of “a cast of characters consisting of six boys with unique talents and personalities...and then a character with the talent of ‘Girl.’” And freaking PINK, at that. HOW ARE WE STILL DOING THIS.

Super Monsters got my kid actually excited about going to preschool instead of throwing a fit about it every morning. God bless you, Super Monsters.

You can see why they think it’s so important - no one they know takes responsibility for anything!  Must be the democrat’s fault.