Each time the phrase “Survey says!” was uttered, the Gronks kept mishearing it as “Cervezas!” and Yo Soy Fiesta took over.

Blood Jort

It’s so cute that you still have faith in what is a team of crappy players around two superstars. They suck, and even sucky teams do good for a month, then go back to sucking. Anything can happen, but the odds just don’t look good for the 2015 team. That’s not an insult, that’s realism. That’s what vegas thinks.…

“Athlete 1” is described in an email as “the [NFL team’s] best player” after an unnamed quarterback

What better way to improve upon the cognitive skills necessary for chess than a series of violent blows to the brainbox?

No, the cops use “he was dark” Subtle but important difference.

I Know What You Did Last Summer, But It Was Dark So I May Not Know What You Did Last Summer, But In Any Case If You Tell Your Parents About What You Did Last Summer, I’ll Kill Your Fucking Family

I was expecting the plane to burn up, signifying that he had commited to Marshall.

How do Finns use baseball to explain sex when the catcher is the one doing the pitching?

Jason Pierre Paul tweeted what looked like a peace sign beside the words “Just saying hi.”

A Buccaneer with a hand injury. VERY ORIGINAL CJ!

My mom recently showed me a short story I wrote in first grade that she had saved. It was all about how I was the punter for the Jets. Even as a six-year-old I knew I'd never amount to shit. Every other kid dreams of being a quarterback or shortstop, but not me. Punter on the fucking jets.

Literally no one does this because no one dreams of being a punter.

Look, Kluwe...I won’t punt footballs, and you don’t make Deadspin jokes, okay?

To make things worse, now Jim Carrey thinks he’s going to get autism.

“69% of US homes in major markets showed their total indifference to women’s soccer.”

The Pontiac Aztek was a better GM than Doc Rivers.

In his defense, one of his friends is black.

3. The goddamn White Sox don’t deserve Chris Sale...