MICHELLE WOULD HAVE WORN SNEAKERS. Or a flat or duck boots or anything else a normal person would wear. GOD I hope 45 has a heart attack on top of her in bed and she’s trapped for several hours.

Oh wait I assumed you meant Trump and the cave thing, carry on with your more reasonable discussion of the journalists.

Oh Christ.

People must follow her in an attempt to find out why she’s so popular but then forget to unfollow because she leaves that little of an impact on them.

You are correct. Now Jezebel has made misleading and unsubstantiated claims about TINA’s claim that GOOP’s claims are deceptive!

Nope, she’s the asshole who wrote a “memoir” in which she lied about volunteering in Africa, invented stories about evil African mercenaries and wild escapes and other bullshit, and made it clear that she’s racist, clueless, and untalented.

I loved By the Sea, it was so overwrought it was hilarious. And the voyerism was next level loony, totally made the movie. Loved it.

Oh god. This is the asshole that’s gonna cause the end of the world? Not an insane genius, but this chucklefuck? Goddamn it that is just not right!

There is a blog out there with a women who takes pictures of her vagina with things inside it. The last time I was there she had rulers and pencils up there. I mean, that’s more of an interesting “lifestyle” than whatever career trajectory Lindsay Lohan blog is at.

Hmmm I feel like you want me to fail here...

Can you tell me how I can look effortlessly cool in a baseball cap because I wear one at the beach and end up looking like a confused dad. Your check for $2.99 is in the mail

Chris Christie is Augustus Gloop mixed with Veruca Salt

You guys ever read an interview with someone and say to yourself at the end: “Holy shit that guy was on a lot of cocaine.”?

“Doppelbangers”

Trademark “doppelbangers.” That is some vintage portmanteau-ing you did there.

Yeah my ex is engaged to a female version of himself. It is creepy.

The uber rich, police commissioners, journalists...this shit sounds like a party at Wayne Manor. How come the Joker never crashes these types of events IRL?

Ewww why is the watch creeping me out?? I’ve never been creeped out by a watch. Trump’s ruined watches for me much like he has ruined by belief that America isn’t a garbage country.

Why does someone like David Bowie die in their 60s and KFC gobbling fat fuck Donald get 10 more years on him?

Beats the fucking shit out of me.