Two heads are better than one, I hear.

If you crossposted this to Breitbert or RedState, they'd take it seriously.

Sounds like you're a great guy - I trust you got your ladies those pastel Bic pens for the holidays? Because honestly, every gal needs one. Helps so much with grocery lists.

This is why we should have been more cautious about letting ladies become legislators.

No kidding, friend!

Hahahaha, you're a walking hemorrhoid.

I'm so glad you came here to elaborate and clarify your side of the story, because now that you've done so we can all rest easy knowing that you're a shitty crybaby asshole instead of just speculating that you are. Thanks for the peace of mind.

After hearing your side of the story and weighing it carefully, I'm still going to rule that you are a huge piece of shit.

i read your first line and didn't read the rest because you're a fucking asshole.

If that food poisoning one is actually true, then that's awful. Her and the bride had a problem, and a bunch of wedding guests had to suffer because of that? Yikes.

If you haven't already, try putting aluminum foil on the things you don't want the cat to scratch, with a suitable scratching target nearby, and if luck is with you the cat will soon switch. It worked on my cat many years ago, but who can tell with entitled millennial cats ?

Yup. I was an idiot and bought a leather couch. It's absolutely destroyed but that's my fault for getting leather while owning cats.

I know the feeling.

zillions of products and tools on the market to help discourage your cat from scratching things around the home

i started reading this and i was like DID U GET THE COLORS

We used the little silicone claw tips that you glue on. Magical. We did it more as a training tool - used it on them as kittens and after a while they just stop trying to scratch everything. And they are sooo cute - I'd order the ones that were crazy colors like pink glitter or neon green. But they come in basic…

Look, if you want an animal that can't claw you or your belongings, don't get a fucking cat. Even the best behaved cats may claw on furniture occasionally and cats very rarely claw a person without reason.

Yup, I'm fine with this being banned. We should also add ear and tail docking to the list too, while we're at it.

one time a pizza guy (rushed out the door by his manager) forgot one of my pizzas. He felt so bad that he offered to bring us free stuff ("I'm gonna bring you guys so much free shit!) and we weren't mad because we aren't crazy and we had our first pizza to ride us over. When he came back he brought a free pizza in…

Yeah, and they're all like "let's get him fired!" like screwing with some schmuck's livelihood over five bucks is so cool and clever. Fucking lowlife slabs of shit.