I've had this happen to me so many times that I had to check myself just now because I wondered why this woman was so bothered. It is sad that you can get so used to this and that it's so prevalent.

Oh my God, be ready for random commenters who think you're serious and don't realize the allusion to the swastika bun post.

But I mean, the word Nazi has such a long a storied history that has nothing to do with Adolf Hitler. Shouldn't we just try to take it back? With pasta? So that no one has to feel threatened by it?

"Remember Ethan Couch? The teen who avoided prison after killing four people while driving under the influence because he suffered from "affluenza," the terrible condition of being too privileged?"

Hey, there's no need to be so fucking classist. These aren't "tuxedo cats"; they're just dressed reasonably: it's after five, and they're not farmers.

Team cat headquarters here,

tux-e-do kittehs,tux-e-do kittehs.

Wait, he did this for a LONG DISTANCE relationship? That's, like, the easiest relationship to cowardly break up in. He could even text it to her and there's nothing she could do! Why would suicide ever be needed as an excuse?

I try to respond to as many comments as I can and for some reason or another, this comment was one I felt like responding to. Probably because it was so patently ridiculous. Sometimes (not all the time) I like to speak to the trolls. Sometimes it turns out that they're not trolls but people who just didn't understand…

Divorcing her might have been an issue if they were actually married.
We may not know the whole story, but c'mon dude, actually READ the article and you'll know at least some of it.

I'm going with "faking your own death makes you a psycho". And since you're quick to question other peoples' mental health, allow me to point out that the fact that your first reaction was for her to become a sad divorce court cliché speaks to your mental state. Not everyone thinks that way. If you have to apologize…

Ugh. Everyone knows you fake amnesia, not death! Gawd, millennials, get your shit together!

See, it was the followup to my mildly successful spoken word piece "Defending my Chocolate Dissertation".

Coincidentally enough "Doctor of Chocolate" was the title of my extremely poorly selling early 90's R&B album.

I found the key to be Words With Friends. You play a word, she knows you're alive and all is right with the world.

If I don't send my mother regular email updats, she writes a frantic all-caps email. "EVERYTHING OK WITH YOU? I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM YOU IN AGES!!!!! WRITE YOUR MOM LET HER KNOW YOU ARE OK ASAP!!!"

employers dont need it. if their policy is call me back or else they've got good leverage already. Of course youre right and some idiot would still probably be vengeful enough to do this.