Not sure if that guy was the winner, but he did come first.

What kind of lap hog is this commie working with, here? Look how far her head is above his waist.

Dear people who make fun of soccer: no one thinks you're funny, or smart, or witty. They think you are a relic of a bygone era where it's awesome to make fun of things you don't understand. Get a life.

"Down 3 with a minute left? This game is over."

HAW HAW SOCCER IS BORING HAW

Well, it's not like he really had a shot at becoming the biggest dick in his family anyway.

Red Nine standing by.

Marlins games being televised?

Between Roberts and Bill Conlin, Deadspin has done a fabulous job covering happy endings for former sports writers.

This is a great story, and I'm very happy for Selena Roberts. Not the least of which is due to her never having to write for a living again.

To me, Roberts' decision displays a severe lack of creativity, initiative, and personal integrity.

I wanted to like her. But calling 7 figures "not change-your-life money, but it did help my life." killed it.

What an out of touch moron. Go fuck yourself. Preferably on a big pile of cash.

"He was at the game, and his grandson asked him what the word meant."

They're your shitty kids, you explain it!

Happy to be Canadian. You can swear on TV and nobody gives a fuck.

This country has many problems. These people who complained are part of those problems.

In the spirit of Independence day I express the following sentiment: Fuck you, you oversensitive underwear stains. Here's a 46 year old man who lied about his age and PED use to become argueably the greatest DH of our lifetime. He came from nothing and became a legend in Boston sports lore. So he dropped an f-bomb on…

People need to grow a set. I don't necessarily condone foul language, but anyone who thinks their precious child will never hear vulgar language is living in a fantasy world. Please people, unwrap the bubble-wrap from around your children and let them live and breathe. Everyone needs at least a hint of toughness or…

I Spent All Day Trying To Figure Out If These Are Lou Gehrig's Balls

"Today, I consider myself, the flappiest man on the face of the earth."