Viking. motherfucking. range.

Haha, tantrump.

I own an untouched rural parcel of land and my neighbor clear cut my old growth trees from the bottom 1/3 of it. Once this quarantine is over, I get to head to the Ozarks and start fighting a man in court about tree stumps and the value of old growth

Just imagine someone clutching their pearls because they showed up to a group dinner at a restaurant and there weren’t place cards.

The couture chick has terrible taste and seems really uptight/performatively bougie. 

I don’t know how anyone could tolerate James Charles long enough to get through even one episode. 

On the other hand, they did nothing wrong in borrowing the money and who the hell cares about ten million when you have trillions - trillions - being flushed away by this criminally incompetent admin?

If you applied for a loan you’re now giving back because you’re not a small business, no, you absolutely do not deserve praise. 

As a sole proprietor that probably won’t get fucking anything in any form, forgive me if I’m not proud of massive corporations for giving back their loans. They’re all assholes for even applying in the first place.

I definitely notice, but then I frequently work on documents where I’m not the only contributor. Nothing worse than having to find and replace all the double spaces because only one person does it.

This picture reminds me I have been doing far too few roasted garlic + crusty bread + red wine “dinners” during quarantine.

Just buy a coffee machine, you utterly wasteful motherfucker.

Pretty sure you just blend more burgers...

Cheez Whiz fucking rules. Broccoli + cauliflower + a fuckload of Cheez Whiz + crunchy onion topping does it for me.

Yeah, we need a controlled trial next. I suspect this maaaay not hold up in the face of stone-cold sobriety.

Celebrities aren’t usually famous for their brains.

Right? It’s like going to Web MD. It’s always cancer!

“In India a surge in the number of cases of polio , particularly among children, has prompted the Indian Medical Association to question India’s eradication strategies.”

Turn it off? I never turned it on.

We could all stand to purify ourselves in the waters of Lake Minnetonka right now.