I’m a dragonfly/praying mantis hybrid.

It needs to be connected to WiFi so that it can cost $400.

Yes. I got a coffee machine for my classroom and literally every class had a student who asked why I didn’t get a Keurig. My response was that the coffee maker cost me $9, takes like 30 seconds of work to make a full pot of coffee, and each cup costs about a quarter (much less with a reusable cup) at most. Still…

This would be more like if Keurig came with the following instructions:

It’s great to have questions. If you go to Pubmed, and put in the search terms: climate change infectious diseases

“What advantages does this war have over, say, an ethnic cleansing, which I could also afford?”

I totally did notice that sign and lolwtf. Literally, I imagine someone coming up and asking “What conversation?” and the reply being, “The conversation about how great Pepsi is! Would you like a free sample?”

And did you notice the “join the conversation” protest sign? Who the fuck talks like that outside of social media marketing? It’s beyond tone-deaf.

Part of my day job for the past several years has been “advertising commentator” and this fucking thing, oh man. The ways in which it doesn’t work are myriad.

Nooo. No rooting for corporations, period.

Someone was clearly at a retreat! We’ll call him Ron Roper.

“I don’t know what it means to be complicit”

Rumor has it the cheerleaders were also part of a pyramid scheme.

Is anybody else worried that eventually, this wall is going to be used to keep us here?

I’ll have to go find my tiny violin.

I got through this and my first thought was: “Someone get this kid a go-gurt.”

Life is just so hard when you’re a billionaire in charge of the most powerful country on earth. I’ll have to go find my tiny violin.

Aww, Donny, are you having a rough day? Do you need a nap before you have to put on your big boy pants and GOVERN THE FUCKING COUNTRY LIKE AN ADULT?

Francesca Eastwood (Dress is fine but I wouldn’t mind maybe a third less material in the skirt? But that hair is niiice)