No one wrote Cats. It’s just random acting hopefuls trying to make it on Broadway. Remember, ‘Eliot’ is just an anagram of ‘to lie’

Y'know, I thought I had mono once for an entire year. Turns out I was just really bored.

It is, however, Coal Cracker country (especially in the northeast and southwest).

A lifetime of not sanctioning buffoonery will age you pretty quick.

You guys, I think <checks notes> “XXX Ass Eater 96 XXX” has a great point

They worship gas station food.

Do you hear the people sing? Singing a song of 6 and 10. That is your ceiling, you forgotten, burning river town in Hell. When the beating from the Jets sets up a beating by the Rams, there’s no light at the end of the tunnel when the Ravens come.

How deliciously Canadian. We have something similar down here in the States, I have one bulletproof vest for my commute, a more lightweight one for yard work, and a formal one for work that has a tie painted on it and can be tucked into khakis.

You see, this is why I’m moving on from Deadspin and their constant focus on politcs and heading more and more over to the Ringer where they are talking about the things that really matter to me as a sports fan like which Rom-Com from 2003 holds up the best. 

As much as I love Nirvana, I can see how the similarities were accidental, and that there was no need to credit Cobain.

Can you blame the film-makers for not getting the character right? He’s a complicated man.

I, for one, encourage more young influencers to travel to Chernobyl. But don’t imitate what others are doing! No, no, go off the beaten path! Connect with the spirit of the place by going off the grid, climbing over a few fences, and ignoring a few silly signs that say: Предупреждение! Смертельная радиация поблизости.…

I’m going to start a construction company, hire someone to build a house, and force them to tear down 20% of it because it looks too much like another house. Then, I’m going to blame them when the house ends up looking like shit and going way over budget.

But first I’m going to hire an architect I already know designs…

No, he’s right -- her latest set is just awful. Observational humor only works when your audience can relate, which is not the case when all your bits are about being the daughter of the richest Buggalo ranchers on Mars.

Dad? So you were at my games!

I always wanted to get The Torgo theme as a ringtone. 

Yes. Not only show up for your interview hung over, but do so from day one after you start your new job. People just assume you always look like shit :)

This is great news. Now an entirely new generation of elite Seahawks defensive players can resent the fuck out of Wilson.

It’s definitely the worst by a good margin. I’d say it’s the only bad one.

The only thing his arrival at Wakanda was missing was The Immigrant Song