I hate when I get mad enough to throw something at the garbage can and it misses and creates a big mess because at that point IT'S JUST HECKLING ME and somehow I FAILED AT RAGE. Then I turn into a blubbering mess on the floor.

It bwings us togevvah today.

No, mental retardation is a defined point on the IQ spectrum. (I should note that I'm also not a doctor - I just have parents who work with children and adults with all sorts of disabilities and disorders.)

Brain damage can cause mental retardation, depending on where in the brain and how bad it is. And lots of things can cause brain damage, including lack of oxygen (if the child stopped breathing and was then resuscitated), a really high fever, and some kinds of seizures. Which doesn't mean that any of that was what…

I'm pretty sure if I died unexpectedly, the police would be harassing my friends and family to tell them who I was dating, because I was clearly getting beat up on a regular basis. But really, I have bruises because I just walk into things a lot.

I'm single, work at a job where I have to sit down AND that requires me to watch a tremendous amount of television. Will you give me a nice eulogy?

THANKS, MOM.

I think it's a brussels griffon, but they usually look like Ewoks.

I remember the hullabaloo when the South Park movie came out because it was a cartoon but inappropriate for children. I'm not kidding. A TON of parents took their kids to see it. Despite that the full title ("Bigger, Longer and Uncut") references a penis. And that the movie is ABOUT taking personal responsibility for…

So nobody else read that email and thought of this? [jezebel.com]

I read a pilot script a couple years ago (for a show that didn't get made, thank goodness) that described every female character as "empowered" but then didn't have any of them do anything empowering at all. Like this:

I'm pretty sure "crystal" means meth. But aside from that, I agree with you.

Reminds me of this from the movie Crazy People.

Represent! (also hearted)

Also fezzes are cool.

First things first: You need a mouse and a pumpkin.

You're right. There's room for "no 3somes" in there.

I'm pretty sure he could have said all of this as a tweet:

Mine started on April Fool's Day. I feel your pain.

Remember "Tropic Thunder?" That was clearly a joke, and STILL didn't go over well.