I'm single, work at a job where I have to sit down AND that requires me to watch a tremendous amount of television. Will you give me a nice eulogy?

THANKS, MOM.

I think it's a brussels griffon, but they usually look like Ewoks.

I remember the hullabaloo when the South Park movie came out because it was a cartoon but inappropriate for children. I'm not kidding. A TON of parents took their kids to see it. Despite that the full title ("Bigger, Longer and Uncut") references a penis. And that the movie is ABOUT taking personal responsibility for…

So nobody else read that email and thought of this? [jezebel.com]

I read a pilot script a couple years ago (for a show that didn't get made, thank goodness) that described every female character as "empowered" but then didn't have any of them do anything empowering at all. Like this:

I'm pretty sure "crystal" means meth. But aside from that, I agree with you.

Reminds me of this from the movie Crazy People.

Represent! (also hearted)

Also fezzes are cool.

First things first: You need a mouse and a pumpkin.

You're right. There's room for "no 3somes" in there.

I'm pretty sure he could have said all of this as a tweet:

Mine started on April Fool's Day. I feel your pain.

Remember "Tropic Thunder?" That was clearly a joke, and STILL didn't go over well.

Pssh. You're assuming women have agency over their own bodies. Like we're "human" or have "sexuality" or "intellect" or "souls." Clearly, you need to look at the chart again.

If someone is illustrating a story about reborn dolls with a real baby, that person is a dick. I'm pretty sure the pic is a doll.

My mom did this too! Right up until I wanted to grow out my bangs when I was 10. She, incidentally, still has straight-across bangs, but she has them professionally cut.

I like this plan.

Definitely not alone. I've had acne since I was 11 or so (in my 30's now) but last summer my skin changed. I still have acne, it's just DIFFERENT acne and I can't figure it out. My skin is both oily and very very dry. Salicylic acid and benzoyl peroxide both cause me to break out now, instantly, with deep, painful…