We call that Freedom Foam.

I poop as often as I can, but then again, I’m an hourly employee

We already had one.

And fuck every person of color and woman who voted 3rd party in a swing state.

As if his hands could wrap all the way around a baby’s neck.

In elementary school, my mom would give me $3 for hot lunch on some days. One day I wanted to be like all the cool kids and buy snacks from the student store before lunch. I bought two cookies and a bag of chips. They tasted sooo good. Once I got home my mom asked what I had for lunch. I guess I was terrible at lying…

I was one of those kids who is constantly hungry - like, must eat every fifteen minutes hungry. I used to wake up in the middle of the night and binge-eat leftovers because my stomach hurt so badly that I couldn’t get back to sleep without shoveling in food. I blamed it on my sister; my parents bought it even though…

It’s a solid Yes!

We’ll its better being prescribed exercise.

Let’s be clear about something...

My baby thinks it’s HYSTERICAL until it actually gets near his nose. He is only 3 months and doesn’t have object permanence yet so I like to think that each time, he’s like “ha ha, this mom woman looks so funny WHAT THE FUCK LADY?!”

I seriously felt so bad every single time I used it on my son. He was obviously terrified and wailed like the dickens, but at least he could breathe.

Seriously, they should market it as a developmental tool. My baby’s hand-eye coordination advances by at least 4 months whenever he sees that thing coming for him.

Oh poor baby...but I laughed.

Bring back disemvoweling!

People have empathy for Lindsay Lohan? What planet do you live on? She’s a train wreck.

I had no painkillers except for Tylenol 3 and it took three of them to sew closed the exit my son blasted. A few weeks later, my obgyn had a look at the damage and then sat down and drew a picture of what looked like a deformed, hairy worm.

Well...no one’s asked for their money back.

My fancy ob/gyn was away while I was giving birth and, though her locum looked on until I finished giving birth (with much tearing), he hightailed it out of the birthing room as soon as he could.

My friend had just given birth to her first baby, and she complained to the nurse that she was uncomfortable.