I’m never getting married, but if I did I think our first dance would be to 3 minutes of white noise with ghost-like voices chirping every once in a while.

I hate “creative” interview questions and I’m an actor but I panic at that stuff. Once when asked what kind of animal I would be I said “a porcupine...um....because they have a really good defense system”. They looked at me like I was going to straight up try to murder them.

Oh, oh! I got caught in a massive rainstorm waiting for the bus for my interview. Was mid-house move, so had no umbrella on my person (AND it was a sunny DC morning until the moment it wasn’t!). Myself and another bus-stop-waiter caught a cab together downtown. I was absolutely soaking, the kind of wet you get when…

I was feeling kind of weird about this job in the first place. I had had one interview that went well with the one owner and was back for a final interview with the other. He spent the whole time peeping down my top and asking me off the cuff questions about the female owner. I finally asked if they were married or…

“Men are afraid women will take their canoe paddles. Women are afraid of losing their spirituality.”

Sticking your feet in water is not swimming.

Whenever your friends suggest an activity that requires a lot of money being spent, suggest something else. If they want to go to a night club, suggest a movie night at home. If they want to go to a ball game, suggest a nice nature hike instead. If they want to go on a trip abroad, suggest spending a long weekend in…

That’s very helpful. But what if you had no friends to begin with?

“Are You Afraid of The Dark?” would be my pick. I think it could work if it’s done like Twilight Zone:The Movie where there’s a wrap around story that bookends a few different anthology stories.

How are poor people supposed to attend yard sales when everyone is always yelling at them to get off their lawn???

That’s weird, I always thought Kate Moss had a lot of experience with fresh powder.

A better question is, “You just found out your true love has been fucking a goat every three months. Are they still your true love?”

Just to say, I don’t think P. Wilson is one such attractive man given how comfortable he is playing villainous creeps.

Don’t you mean Very Large Defense Contractor (VLDC)? And don’t forget to add it to your table of acronyms.

I agree. It also makes me very upset to read about people doing things that I myself have never done. Bitch should have spent her childhood reflecting on her privilege and filling her shoes with stones in an act of penance

14 HOURS? I bet they didn’t let her pump either. Her boobs had to have been agonizingly sore.

I’ll get you a cream for butt enhancement. It’s called butter, and it’s delicious.