Four-seamed temporal lobotomy.

WHOOO-HOO! NO LONGER DEAD LAST IN THE AFC NORTH! (This honestly feels like an accomplishment.)

“I’d like to thank everyone who didn’t finish their antibiotic regimens as prescribed and helped contribute to the evolution of drug resistant bacteria like MRSA. You did it guys!” —Daniel Fells

Mach diamonds; pretty, shinny Mach diamonds.

My great grandfather brought back some souvenirs from France during the First World War. They included the outer casing of a type of German hand grenade called a “kugel,” a German bayonet ...and an unexploded artillery shell that turned out to still be live. (Apparently, what qualified as an acceptable gift for your…

It feels strange saying this, but the above situation is clearly a rare case where the cops didn’t taser someone enough.

Thanks! In all honesty, I’m a sound designer and this took about 10 minutes to throw together.

National treasure.

Inspired by your comment to make this.

If someone could Photoshop in an image of thousands of depressed Clevelanders who spent the last decade-and-a-half shoveling their cash into the dumpster’s insatiable, burning maw, the metaphor would be perfect...just don’t forget to change the color scheme to make it look like a party of deer hunters sprayed diarrhea…

We were probably in college around the same time. In high school (late 90s), it was easy to find acid. My first year of college it dried up overnight. There’s a reason for this: there was one guy who produced most of the world’s LDS—in a fucking abandoned missile silo! Global production of LDS almost stopped entirely…

Mine is! (She's an arms trafficker).

Content of the Ray Farmer Texts: Revealed!

The one (very dim) bright spot of watching the Browns make the Jets look like Super Bowl contenders today was the novelty of seeing us get the record of longest completed extra point attempt, after two penalties moved us back for a 48-yard try. Otherwise...the Browns continue to be only slightly less of a blight on…

When Bernie Kosar challenges you to a drinking contest, there’s no way it can end well.

If I was a student and has this weasel-worded assignment presented to me, here’s how I wish I could have had the nerve to respond: “At first I decided to stay, because the bullshit hypothetical in this assignment made me presume I would still be with my family. However, the next week, my wife and kids were sold off at…

Hm. I thought I was going to go to my grave having never seen the lyrics to the Dead Kennedys’ “Kill the Poor” endorsed as a plan for civic action in a major daily newspaper. But, you live and learn!

Why do I suspect an engineer wrote this?

He’s one quick firecracker.

Let’s not forget that Fuckabee’s Jesus motivated stupidity already has a bodycount: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content…