Dry humor is very confusing. How am I supposed to know that something is funny if it isn't delivered with a hackneyed inflection, grotesque smile and wink, and a laugh-track to kill any hint of subtlety? I hate having my intelligence respected.

It's not quite the same with out the bitter tears and self-hatred. I like it, but it's not the same.

I've always found that the notes of industrial waste from LTV Steel complements whiskey nicely.

Weird. This is normally when I start my blackout binge of shame drinking. What am I supposed to do with the rest of the day? Are people supposed to be happy on Sunday? Very confusing.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt's family is never getting back together. :-(

GET A BRAIN! MORANS— GO CARDS!

At least the University of Michigan's athletic department can be proud of distinguished alumni like Michael Phelps.

GO BLUE (EW)... a .14!

I propose MLB institutes what I shall call the "Darryl Strawberry " rule: each player must do a bump of blow per inning.

Keep your opinions about Browns games and children to yourself! My dad and I had our first genuine father-son moment in the old Dawg Pound after we both puked from shotgunning a twelve-case of Coors on my 11th birthday.

"Couldn't ask for a better bye-week." —Browns fans

Let's see how chill you can be when you have to sample the roids you mainline into your players.

"I REGRET NOTH—-(hrumph!)"

In their defense, they've always been hit or miss. Producing an entire episode in one week, from writing the first draft to the broadcast, is a mind-boggling feat. It ensures their topical stuff is always current, but, it also means there's hardly time to revise anything. Unevenness is the price of the way they work.

When it comes to 5th generation fighters, I get that we want them to be carrier capable. But, why are we dumping so much cash into the developing the F-35 when the F-22 already works and has a stronger performance envelope? Wouldn't it be easier to retrofit F-22s with catapult tow bars and tail hooks? Am I missing…

Trick plays are the best! In 1993, for my 12th birthday, my parents took me to a Browns game and we sat in the old, Municipal Stadium Dawg Pound—It was heaven. I got beer spilled on me and my parents let me chant "asshole" at the Dolphins (They wouldn't let me throw stuff, though I did high-five a guy who nailed a…

"Jameis, dude, you're acting really immature." —Maurice Clarett

Yeah, Mizzou sure kicked the shit out of that weak ass Big Te...Oh. Fuck.

Ohio State lost to Virginia Tech, Michigan State lost to Oregon. No disclaimer is necessary.