He's an obnoxious goofy bro, but dammit, he's our obnoxious goofy bro!

"...So I was gunna dress up as Ariel Castro, but, you know, wanted to keep it classy for opening day."

Am I the only one who is deeply suspicious of Twitter activism? The problem I find with an argument crammed into 140 characters is that it is never an argument. There is no way to make a compelling argument that is genuinely persuasive in so short a space. The form is perfect for shouting a slogan to be mindlessly…

"Either a word is offensive or it is not." That's the False Dilemma fallacy. Reducing the significance of words to an either/or binary opposition is intellectually lazy. Words, like all symbols, are inherently neutral and are dependent upon context to give them meaning. For further elaboration:

He seems disappointed with the distance the young lady was able to shoot the ping-pong ball.

If this is an inappropriate way to tip, I'm afraid I owe a lot of apologies to a lot of cabbies.

Duking in the urinal: timeless.

Data collection: it's why God gave researchers grad students.

It's hard to say which is more badass: the fact your wife actually challenged you to draw 365 dicks in 365 days, or that you followed through with it.

Word! That's why the NFL has trainers.

The seafood's delicious. Tastes like petrochemicals and cholera.

What's not to love about Galveston's beaches? It's got it all: murky, oil slick water faintly smelling of rotten eggs, rusted metal strewn around the sand, FOUR different kinds of hepatitis!

Brandon Weeden is probably very glad he's now eligible for Social Security.

So when do we tell them the woman who wrote "America the Beautiful" was a lesbian? http://www.gayheroes.com/bates.shtml

A little reading to help the Broncos pass the next 4 minutes before it all ends: http://www.amazon.com/The-Myth-Sisyp…

It's nice to see Denver wants to make it up to Seattle for what happened with the Supersonics, but even this is a bit much.

Let nobody say Seattle breeds fair-weather fans. It takes a special kind of diehard fanatic to keep watching in the 4th quarter with a 35 point difference and not fall asleep.

36-0 with 3 to go in the 3rd=I wonder what's on C-SPAN. Are Seahawks fans even still watching at this point?

I kid. I lived in Houston and Austin for about 5 year and actually enjoyed it.

REMEMBER THE... Remember the...? Hang on, I got this. Damn it, no I don't. Help me out, Texas. What's that stupid building in San Antonio we're supposed to remember? You know, the one nobody outside of Texas gives a shit about and Ozzie Osbourne pissed on?