Word! That's why the NFL has trainers.

Of course, I got it installed with the waterbed and strobe light.

Are you sure? If we can get Miley Cyrus to sport it, we could make Achy Breaky Hair a trans-generational cultural phenomenon.

It might be possible to pull off the look if I pair it with short cut-off jeans, knee-high basketball socks, along with a sun-faded, 1992 For Unlawful Carnal Knowlege Van Halen t-shirt with the Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio date circled, and then tastefully pair it with a spotty mustache and flip-up sunglasses. It will be the…

20 years is just long enough for a revival!

It's been about 2o years, is that time enough to bring back the ape-drape?

Remember how they would wheel them through the streets in an open cart, and we got to pelt them with bricks and rotten fruit? Lol.

"You came in peace..." (KA-BLAMO!) "...You go in pieces."

If we're talking about poets, at least anecdotally speaking, it looks like the really bright stars burn up even younger. Percy Shelly at 29; Keats: 26; Rimbaud died at 34, but did all of his writing between the ages of 15 and 20. Byron kept writing into his early 30's but didn't make it to 35; Alfred Jarry: 33.…

It's a good thing you didn't go into literature. Rimbaud died at 34, but wrote all his works before he was 21. Keats did it all and checked out at 26.

And I was just about to congratulate everyone on their restraint.

All though the odds are likely 9.8 x 10^10,000: 1, every fiber of my being is hoping this means we have finally contacted a Bracewell probe.

Calm down! We'll do it again.

It's the collective face of any NFL team whenever Cleveland offers Weeden in a trade.

The seafood's delicious. Tastes like petrochemicals and cholera.

What's not to love about Galveston's beaches? It's got it all: murky, oil slick water faintly smelling of rotten eggs, rusted metal strewn around the sand, FOUR different kinds of hepatitis!

It's really hard to tell how fast you're going after huffing that much industrial air-conditioner coolant.

Back to the Future II is a damn liar, and I am still pissed at Doc Brown for telling me we won't need roads. Just so everybody knows, that will not get you out of a ticket if you're pulled over for driving on the sidewalk! That movie needs a disclaimer or something. Hope Doc enjoyed Marty's accurate message about…

Thank you to Brother Mozart for having us covered with some beautiful underscoring.

The theologian and prophet Tom Waits managed shed some light on this paradox with his observation "Don't you know there ain't no devil? It's just God when he's drunk."