I have a friend who gets 250-300 resumes across her desk every month, and her advice to me when I was job hunting was not to use white paper or Times New Roman. She said that if the resume was good, something unique would allow her to find it again in the stack, and that she was more likely to look at it in the first…

Apprenticeship is magic!

Different strokes, I guess. When I killed an unarmed teenager, it brought my wife and I closer together.

Sorry, I know it's terrible... but I laughed.

This dog is me, possibly also the world.

This is my spirit animal. I have found my spirit animal.

I was talking about real Zelda games.

We're gonna need a bigger flyswatter...

Also, wolves can't blow it down.

God, I really hate playing with this kind of "euphoric" people, either guy or girl, it doesn't matter what kind of online multiplayer game are you playing, it really pisses me off when people screams over everything. Specially if it involves some kind of concentration like shooting or driving or whatever, It's a god…

I'm surprised the internet is still in one piece after this.

He seems like a terrific guy, but he did grow up into a slightly odd looking man. Not so odd that I'd turn him down for a date (if I was anywhere near his age), but — hey, I have no worries that he will have plenty of options in the romance department, of both sexes. Though if I were him, I'd make it a condition that…

"Feminists" don't like black women who get too successful. Beyonce and Oprah get more hatred than Charlie Sheen around these parts, and I can't recall either one of them shooting Steadman or Jay-Z in the arm "accidentally."

I'll save a lot of you guys some time and just get it over with.

drunk and driving. Stay classy.

I think you mean jail doors closed.

"I'm going to go Super Saiyan"

wait... you can do all of this shit and only go to jail for 60 days and have to pay for a $200 window?

Are we a kid again with the knowledge we know now? If so gift cards, all of them!

First: "it's a stupid law" is not justification. You sound like a four year old.