On the bright side, it could be they spotted a planet killer asteroid on a collision course with the planet.

Baltimore: Donnie.

And your stance is particularly wide.

Also, you never get laid meeting someone at an airport bar.  Unless you’re Larry Craig.

You can always tell the people who picked up their Looney Tunes fandom from boardwalk t-shirts circa 1995.

OK, but we still all agree, fuck Zack Hample, right?

Me: I’m not paying for another streaming service.

Drove to visit my sister in Chicago area from the NYC area one President’s Day Weekend. It was spur of the moment for her kid’s birthday and with the 5 in my family, it was cost prohibitive to fly. We stopped with family in MI on the way out, so it wasn’t as bad of a journey.

I forgot all about Ratchet — RATCHET, the doctor — going all Chow Yun-Fat with a pair of laser pistols. Works about as well as you’d expect that to work IRL, but he tries.

What is that spaceship made of that he can just fire into the floor like that!?!

Ugh, this article for starters?

I thought I’d add a new take on a fan favorite.

Sometimes you’ve gotta burn your ships. It’s just the way it goes.

I miss kickball

See, I needed a new heel for my shoe. Which meant I had to take the ferry to Shelbyville. Now in those days the ferry cost a nickel and nickels had pictures of bees on them. Give me five bees for a quarter you’d say.

My best friend and I dressed up as Burt and Ernie for halloween about 8 years ago. Went out and got pretty hammered at the bars, and then I see down the street, Cookie Monster, just standing there. Well I thought it was a good idea to jump on his back, we both fell to the ground, and that’s when I feel a shot to the…

Emmitt Smith: So that’s why they call it an “oldbitchuary.”

Thanks Dave.

Because Rod Blagojevich was on Celebrity Apprentice.

Pros: More time to check twitter