Thanks Dave.

Because Rod Blagojevich was on Celebrity Apprentice.

Pros: More time to check twitter

Jesus fucking Christ...

I would probably respond to this article, Drew, but I need to check with George Soros on what liberal talking points and affirmations I need for this subject. As a paid protester and actor hired by Open Society Foundations, I want to properly represent my opinion that aligns with His (Soros) views.

Thank God this guy was wearing headphones:

I’m 46 and I give myself a thorough trimming just about every Friday. Then I call my wife and remind her to pick up some booze on her way home from work.

It’s more fun to go off the side of the boat and then run and tell your friends to “come look, there’s a fish!” and then they run over and they look at your poo.

To be fair, he is probably exhausted from having more sex than any of the 113 men who finished in front of him.

A list of U.S. winter olympians that does not include Eric Heiden is a traveshamocery:

He would flip his bat after a single in the 9th inning, with his team up 18-2, and a right fielder pitching.

Man, if only the second paragraph of this post were about that exact thing.

When I become a dad, dad rock will be things like Tool, Nine Inch Nails, RATM, KORN, Third Eye Blind (hell yeah), Deftones, not that bullshit glamour “metal”. I will drive them to kindergarten every morning and they’re going to be so goddamn amped up from the music that they’ll punch a fucking hole through their…

Professional athletes shouldn’t compete in 103-degree weather.

Coldstone.

Kidding aside, Jerry’s strengths and weaknesses are one and the same thing. He became the NFL Shadow Commissioner because he really is what Donald Trump pretends to be: he’s a conniving, ruthless snake with a penchant for young women, but is nevertheless able, through relentlessness, charisma and force of personality,…

I have a pin of this.