What am I, some kind of hobo? I mean, yes, but still.

That’s not the proactive and empathetic Uber I know.

You will need a screwdriver, a pair of tweezers, a magnifying glass (optional), some salt (~1tbsp), and a bag of chicken feed, preferably corn-based.

Thank god they’ve got excellent health care!

See this?:

I live on a quiet street with neighbors all around and while I can tell you some of their names, I don’t know them. A big issue is a lack of things in common. Two of my neighbors are elderly, the couple next door both work out of town and are never around. No one in my immediate vicinity has kids my age except for…

Here’s a horrifying thought. Is it possible that Trump pulled us out of the PARIS Accords because France’s leader Macron tried to out macho him when they met and shook hands last week and said so in public recently?

That time he sent Brad Lidge to hell.

Six of one, half dozen of another.

He doesn’t write nearly as much as he used to. I used to love Page-2-era-Simmons but I actually tried to read something of his recently and I couldn’t. I don’t know if it’s the fact that it’s just not 2002 anymore, or if it’s because I know what his voice sounds like now and I was reading it in that voice, but…

Did they pay you to come on?

big idiot’s beef

More raisist than sexist but whatever.

Donald may never shake another leader’s hand. Word has gotten out that he’s as soft as jelly, and now everyone is gunning for him.

He is literally everything the GOP claims to hate.

Can someone teach Trump HOW TO SIT ON A GODDDAMN CHAIR?!?

“Spicer went on to assuage peoples fears by confirming that the only recording devices in the Oval Office are Russian ones.”

Uh, Kawhi didn’t play. Green and Co did a good job defending him.

But the EMALS!