Two things:

Y’know, I could really go for a Snickers.

Trump: “Hey! This is great! I just misspell some crap and they ignore whatever else I’m doing! Watch this: covfefe time! “

I was in grade 11 during the Sept 11th attacks. Even then I thought the phrase “axis of evil” was childish and manipulative. I pine for that eloquency in the wake of “evil losers”.

I heard that he also dated Lennay Kekua before Manti Te’o did. 

Stop whining and just get in the damned robot, Shinji!

I don’t just want the VR experience I want the complete package. I want my father to call me out the blue tell me to get into the VR machine and ignore me the entire time. Bonus points if he wears glasses and stares at the screen with his hands under his chin while watching.

No breathable amniotic-like fluid?

How is this even a question?

I too think it is hilariously hypocritical the way people have different reactions to varying stories.

The excitement level is real

Shhhhh...

This isn’t about telling babies to go die.

Yep. Those young men were babies once. And fuck babies, right?

Wait a minute. This just gave me an idea. Is Blood Drive the origin story for Pixar’s Cars? It is, isn’t it?

Because blood is thicker than water? And that’s because oil and water don’t mix because oil once cheated on water with olives.

At least it didn’t ruin his hair.

Sessions was referring to Hawaii. It’s unclear whether or not Sessions knows that Hawaii is one of the fifty states or if he was just being racist.

Yeah I’m thinking that ‘five facts about my awesome wife’ tweet is a pretty big tell. She must be PISSED.