I was once asked by a boss to bring a dirty dish to the coffee room (to be washed by the maid we didn’t have, I suppose). I paused — furious — then said, “I’m sorry, that’s outside the purview of my job responsibilities.” And then I walked out, leaving him flabbergasted. Felt fabulous!

Not as bad as Canada geese who shit on everything.

Attack people. They attack people.

I'm not sure if I should quack or honk... what do swans do, again?

I just followed you purely for this beautiful, majestic swan of a comment.

It is, 100%, to keep people from complaining to corporate. See, what people don't realize is, you will totally get something free for complaining to corporate. However, I'd bet that the person you just complained about will lose their job over the complaint.

I think the Pickle-Tip guy was a malfunctioning outer space robot from Mars. See, he heard, "Don't take any wooden nickles," and then glitched it into "don't take any wooden pickles," and then misinterpreted that to mean "The earth-humans demand gifts of pickles plaaced upon the wooden table. I have pleases Emperor…

I had a stack of invoices on my desk this morning, all from one company that had 'Monogrammed' in the title. Made me glad that 11 was coming shortly.

I am popcorn Santa! Thank you for spreading my message. May you all have free boxes of popcorn, forever.

It's about ethics in cake decorating.

Two days in a row with these fucking naps, man.

Is there any truth to the rumor that the owners of the Route 9 Diner are opening up a new restaurant in Indiana?

You don’t have to imagine, the post gives explanations, so you just have to read it.

Packed my kid's thermos with Redd's Apple Ale. LOL.

Nonsense! Truly, this was perfection. Absolutely unarguably the Citizen Kane of SFM Action Movies. Right, guys?

Breadstix R Us

I WOULD ACTUALLY LOVE TO FORGET HEY THANKS.

Oops, you're totes right. Had a brainfart with the voice actress. Also possibly racism. It's fixed now, though.