I'll go ahead and be the one to ask the awkward question on everyone's mind here: if you lose, does Kanye's mother go to hell?

I've learned at the office that either everyone does, or everyone doesn't. Drama always ensues, whether it's a potluck, a shower, or a birthday that happens onsite, but isn't a general invite. Dude was an immature ass-wipe, and the manager should've shut down the racist menu idea immediately, but if you want to have…

There is nothing worse than the guy who desperately stares at you in an effort to make eye contact, and if you look back at him, immediately assumes "she looked at me! That means a one way ticket to pound town, whoohoo!" Eye contact doesn't count as flirting if she can't avoid your gaze, dudes!

of course not. If women get hungry, then they eat food. and when they eat food, then they get fat. and when they get fat, then all the boners get sad.

There was this guy today at the cafe, where we were the only two people in the room, and he kept on staring at me, while I was eating, doing homework, and using the phone. And as I was using Tinder, I saw his profile, it was quite racially charged and full of fetishization (think confederate flags, Yellow Fever,…

"Why did you go to lunch with me if you didn't want to have sex?"

Time to truck out this old chestnut:

I know. Believe me, I know. :(

I don't know why they mince their words.

I used to work for Kelly in the '90s. She absolutely 100% tried to make a name for herself as a "rapper." She had this spoken-word bullshit she would try to pass off as music. When that Lullaby song from Shawn Mullins (guess how much Googling I had to do to find that!) came out she accused him of biting her rhyme to…

I used to eat just shredded cheese with a fork. Now I'm wondering why I don't still do that. Mmm, cheese.

Cheesecake Factory's portions are a fucking abomination. Looking at their food makes me actively angry.

I don't even pretend I'm eating healthy when I go to Qdoba (same thing, right?) I start off ok, with the veggie bowl, but then it becomes, "yeah sour cream and guacamole and queso and maybe let me just come back there and shovel fistfuls of shredded cheese directly into my mouth since I'm paying 10 fucking dollars for…

A big part of the issue is simply portion size. There is no reason to eat a burrito the size of a baby's head. This can be said for most chains. Yes, Cheesecake Factory, you too.

IT'S FINE IF IT'S ORGANIC OR AS LOCALLY SOURCED AS POSSIBLE

How on earth are people forming opinions about what is healthy? Vaccines are toxins? Fast food is healthy? WTF??

Anything that brings someone happiness, by definition, cannot be unhealthy. I bet the gains people get from lowered stress level more than offset the heart attack risk—-Julia Child lived to 92 on rich French food, after all.

I hire people that just seem to fit in with the other employees, honestly, that's the most important thing to me, we can teach you how we need the job to be done, but you can't teach personality. When you spend 40+ hours a week with your co-workers, getting along with them is important.

Eddie made it very apparent that the whole thing was beneath him, both on the red carpet and in his segment, with the high school reunion crack and "I'm glad you all liked something I did 35 years ago" comment. Newsflash, Eddie, no one could have used a little career-invigorating viral clip MORE than you! Shit, even…

Tina, Amy and Jane Curtin actually doing the weekend update was super.