I haven't been able to say this since January 2012: suck it, Patriots.

Really glad this rumor was quashed so quickly. The last time the media reported on Texans and misleading information, we ended up in Iraq.

"Columbia, Miss.—home of the University of Missouri"

It's not a terrible assumption. After all, Durant has been carrying Serge's water all season.

This is a surprisingly appropriate spirit animal for the Astros. Its length symbolizes how long the season will feel to their fans. It usually stays as low as possible, much like the team's batting average and occasionally climbs very high in trees, symbolizing the rotation's ERA. Jeff Lunhow is much smarter than I…

Tallahassee police don't give a shit about basketball. If Jameis Winston played anything other than football, he'd already be in prison.

I don't see what the problem is. This is an excellent service piece for products of Alabama public schools.

Chuck E. Cheese is the first place I ever saw an adult get drunk enough to vomit.

Pictured: The most exciting Antiques Roadshow appraisal ever.

There's nothing at all wrong with Genesee Cream Ale. I'll take it over PBR or other similar kitschy cheap beers. Living in Central New York, I can regularly find Genny Cream on tap for $2/ pint - one of the few advantages of living in the snow/rust belt.

Does anyone else remember this? Imagine the HOT TAKES that would happen today:

"Worst kind of sports' douche."

"Bullshit."

Speaking of Jim Druckenmiller:

Mike Mussina only receiving around 20% is a disgrace.

The only driver doing the right thing was the truck in the right lane. Everyone else fucked up.

How adorable. Syracuse thinks it can land a four-star recruit.

The "so much cheese" guy was actually describing the lingering surplus caused by Rex Ryan's weight loss.

Christ. This is like the kid in the back of the classroom who once got a laugh and now tells the same joke over and over.