I actually work from a diamond lap top.

You missed the point by a mile and a half, kiddo. Unless your fiancee is also your daughter.

I grew up with one of these things hanging around all the time. He's supposed to watch over your activities and report to Santa if you're naughty or nice. Parents move it around and kids try to find it. I think it's creepy.

I just came here to say I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT AN ELF ON A SHELF IS. Has this always been popular? Did most people grow up with this? This is the first year I've heard about it (FUCKING EVERYWHERE) and it makes me so cranky. Christmas isn't meant to go on for 30 fucking days. Bah humbug.

I have been waiting 14 long years for the 90s to come back.

In Jaden's case, those aren't wrinkles.

Those are higher level math.

He's really got that "I'm a giant douche" facial expression down pat.

i use my butt plugs as fake mikes whenever my best friend comes over and we get trashed and start jamming to bad pop tunes.

That butt plug story reminds me of a young Helen Mirren.

I am disappointed in every commenter here.

^ Not impressed.

You are great at naming kids! I was going for the Game of Thrones bad guy (thinking, hey- if you get the allusion you are okay in my book), but that is actually ALLISER so I am just wrong.

My dad, who is the laziest man on Earth when it comes to housework, washed the dishes at about 11 at night when my boyfriend was staying over in my room. By the way, I was 24, had moved home after college, the boyfriend was visiting from another country, and I ending up marrying the boyfriend a few months later.

My middle boy's middle name is Alistair...

As has mine with the thought of Crazy Old Uncle Joe losing it at 'giant queefing snow-woman' XD

"So a dude had to hold it open and they had to barrel in against the strong wind blowing out."

There's always the trusty inflatable colon!

Better a vagina than...