Don't think of it as human slaughter. She's merely consciously uncoupling your head from your neck.

Fuck what if Gwyneth is a cylon and this was the plan all along.

Something old, something new...oozing mucous, puddles of goo...

And the turtle pooping out slimy eggs is still less gross than the new design for the Ninja Turtles by Michael Bay.

An omen: You will have many children, but most of them will not survive.

I wanna boom boom with Jeff Goldblum. Any takers besides me?

A rejected idea: I Wanna Bone Joey Fatone

I have been waiting for quite a while to bust this one out but:

LEAVE SANDWICH GUY ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm sure it's a love that will last forever. lol.

I already posted this on gawker but I want to see what ya'll think. This is the happy couple in question.

I feel tricked. I DEMAND 300 SANDWICHES AS RECOMPENSE.

I'm calling straight up bullshit on your understanding of what click-bait actually is.

No one's looking for detailed analysis and a 10,000 word article but oh, I dunno expecting a "Guess what! The mandate of a billion people was just declared!" post from an international website isn't asking for the stars.

WHY U NO LOVE ME PINKHAM????

Smores and tapioca? You're dead to me, Uber. I can't have this negativity in my life.

I can barely make sense out of this bullshit anymore.

I'm a huge Outlander fan myself, but you're more than entitled to your own opinion, so I won't pile on any shit.