Maybe. My department recently rejected someone and is now crawling back to hopefully get them, though I’m not sure the whole brush-off path was quite so neatly laid out as this.

I had the same situation with that group, with a similar “same kind of work” handwaving.

You’re gonna love http://www.reasonsmysoniscrying.com/

We had a dog who would eat the leftover cereal and milk residue from the bottom of a cereal bowl, leaving behind a pile of licked-clean raisins when Raisin Bran cereal had been involved. I always assumed she just ate around them, until I saw this.

I don’t know who all these super-serious people are; that was funny! A couple sitting in front of us got up and left after that scene, and my friend and I cracked up laughing with a not-quiet-enough “must be lawyers!” which got other people laughing too.

I know, and you need to love yourself too. And that involves figuring out what boundaries make your life better and make you happier. It took my husband a while to figure out what works for him.

My husband says about his dad, “I love him, but I don’t like him.”

Maybe reclaim your control by writing her a thank-you note instead of calling. A physical display of gratitude without having to interact directly. Be good to yourself, please.

As I’ve heard it before; “of course they know how to push your buttons, they installed them.”

She was great at pushing your buttons because she installed them. I’m sad you’re in pain but I’m glad you didn’t have more of that piled on your head, only to feel guilty over that combined weight.

My father-in-law was an abusive POS to his family (and still can be emotionally abusive at times) and managed to inflict Stockholm Syndrome on some of them, such that they will reflexively side with him out of fear. When one of the worst sufferers of it managed to break out of that, she basically cut off contact with…

Agreed that there might be more specific regional ones, or specific company-specific (or State-of-X/City-of-X specific policies/laws for hiring for government jobs) but for any random anecdote people can’t just automatically declare it illegal. Shady as hell, possibly; definitely stupid.

Add to that, companies below a…

EEOC says it’s not illegal to ask, just that you’re setting yourself up for material for a discrimination lawsuit (assuming you didn’t hire someone else with the identical background situation): “Although state and federal equal opportunity laws do not clearly forbid employers from making pre-employment inquiries that…

I agree that it’s incredibly stupid and treacherous, believe me.

Ouch. :(

Reposting what another poster linked to, straight from the EEOC - it’s not illegal but may be used as “evidence” of discrimination (until they find out the hiree has kids too, etc.): “Although state and federal equal opportunity laws do not clearly forbid employers from making pre-employment inquiries that relate to,…

If I ask them if they want coffee, is that relevant to whether we’ll hire them? If the weather cooperated with them that morning? If they’re more of a Marvel or a DC person? Or is that random small talk? Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

I should add that at one of my early jobs, we were interviewing candidates for a secretarial-type position. On a day that I wasn’t in the office, one candidate was interviewed, and (IIRC) complained to someone later that my idiot coworker had asked her whether she had kids. My bosses somehow blamed *me* as well for…

Thank you for posting that; I didn’t have a link at hand. Lots of people think it’s illegal to even ask when it’s actually just stupid and opens you up to hostility and fears of potential lawsuits.

I’m pretty sure it’s only illegal to discriminate on that basis, not to ask about it. The difficulty is in proving it.